I said YES

"I'm afraid of losing friends.  Of giving up something that I don't want to give up.  Of being uncomfortable.  Of surrendering my time to Him.  Of not being in control.  I'm afraid of not doing what I want.  Of rejection by my peers.  Of not being 'enough'.  Of letting God take control."

These are just a few of the things that were said by the 14-16 year olds at the YES retreat this past weekend in Rostrevor, Northern Ireland.  It was so amazing to hear these things being spoken so truthfully and wholeheartedly.

The YES retreat is for 14-16 year old kids in the Sword of the Spirit communities.  'YES' stands for Youth Equipped to Stand.  It is a weekend-long opportunity for 14-16 year olds to get away, get a chance to meet kids their age from the other communities, and most importantly, say "Yes" to Christ.  The YES retreat happens annually in the United States (and I think other regions as well?), but this was the first YES retreat in the European region.  I was so blessed with the opportunity to be on the planning team (as well as the worship team) for this event.  It was cool to be a part of the first European YES retreat and be with teens from Ireland (Dublin), Northern Ireland (Belfast), England (London), Scotland (Glasgow), and Belgium.  It was also cool to hear all of their different accents...and finally feel like I'm not the only one with a "weird" accent.  :)  I think my favorite so far is the Glasgow accent...especially the way they say "girls".

Anyway, it was the second day of the retreat and Andy, the MC, was talking about some things that hold us back when giving our lives (saying "Yes") to Christ.  Fear, shame, pride, and guilt were the four main points he talked about.  These are just some of the things that keep us from giving our all to Christ...things that keep us from saying "Yes" to Him.  When Andy talked about fear, he gave the kids an opportunity to speak up about some of the fears that they had.  I don't know what my expectations were after Andy said that.  Would anyone have the boldness to say anything?  Would the kids really be honest about their fears?  Would there just be a long silence during this time?  Ha!  How dare I put limits on God like that.  These kids had so much to say during this time.  They were so honest that it nearly brought me to tears.  (Read the quotes at the beginning of this post again.)  The next thing that Andy talked about was shame.  Then pride.  And then guilt.  He gave the kids an opportunity to stand up (topic by topic) if they were experiencing any of these things.  I was impressed by the number of teens that were humble enough to stand up and admit that they were burdened by these things.  We all then layed hands on those who stood up and prayed for them.  We prayed that God would release them from all of these burdens that they had and that they would then be free to be able to say "Yes" to Christ.  What an awesome experience this was.

We also had a time of worship on the second night of the retreat, and oh my goodness...it was powerful.  The Holy Spirit was so present among these teens and it was evident in the way that they were worshipping.  And praying.  And smiling.  And crying.   I was amazed at the way these teens were so expressive in their worship...lifting their hands, jumping for joy, and even singing in the Spirit.  It was a drastic change from the way some of them were worshipping on the first night of the retreat.  The team (including myself) was available in the back of the room during this time to pray with those who needed prayer.  So many of the teens came to us to receive prayer and I was so amazed at the way God spoke through us as a team to touch their hearts.  For me, not having much experience (or confidence, rather) in praying with/over people didn't seem to matter at all.  The Holy Spirit took the reins and I believe that He led me in exactly the right things to say to each of them.  I had an especially cool experience praying over and talking to one girl in particular.  She expressed the need for prayer for strength, and quite a few difficult issues came up in what she said.  She talked to me about not feeling as though she had any support from anyone and that it was hard for her to stand up in her faith.  I had no idea what to say to her, but I found myself speaking words of wisdom and encouragement.  I know they came from the Lord because, like I said, I had no idea what to say to her.  She took what I said pretty well and I felt as though we established a bit of a connection.  I now feel this deep desire to get to know her better and develop a sisterly relationship with her.  Please keep her in your prayers and pray for the potential relationship we may have.

Yesterday morning, on the last day of the retreat, we got into our small groups and I co-led a discussion about the things that the girls had said "Yes" to over the weekend.  "Yes" to handing their control over to God, "Yes" to letting Him be the center of their lives, "Yes" to telling others about Him...and just an overall "Yes" to Christ.  After that the kids had an opportunity to share their experiences from the weekend.  They shared a bit about what their expectations were before the retreat, and how God changed their hearts and minds during the retreat.  This was so inspiring to me...their honest and heartfelt testimonies nearly brought me to tears again, the way it did when they voiced their fears towards the beginning of the retreat.  Here are some of the things that they said:

• "I came to this retreat not expecting anything, but I think last night" [the prayer/worship night] "is going to change my life.  It was one of the most profound experiences I have ever had."
• "I felt so joyful and encouraged here."
• "I am just a normal kid going to school in London, and before this retreat I was struggling with standing up for God.  I was very reluctant to evangelise, even when those around me were saying things about God that were not very nice.  I took some notes this weekend about being bold and courageous, and hopefully I can go back home and change some of my classmates."
• "I came to this retreat not knowing anyone and now I've made some friends for life."
• "This retreat exceeded my expectations by three times over."
• "I got all the words that I needed to hear...everything I needed encouragement for."
• "I came thinking I was fine in my faith, but God really surprised me this weekend.  He taught me about courage and about expecting more from Him."
• "I had been struggling with some things, but this retreat really changed me."
• "I thought I was the only one my age who believed in God...now I see there are so many more."

Amen!  I am in utter amazement of the way the Lord worked this weekend through me, the rest of the YES retreat team, and through all of the teens that attended the retreat.  It was such a great blessing to be a part of the first European region YES retreat and to be a part of changing so many lives...and having mine changed as well!  Praise be to God.  Through Him all blessings flow.  I want to end with the chorus of a song that we sang this weekend...

"Alleluia our King!  Glory to God, we call on Your name.  Give us strength for the fight.  Build us up by Your power.  Make us one in Your name.  Your kingdom come!"

(that was the view from the front of An Cuan, the retreat house in Rostrevor, Northern Ireland)

Good Things are Happening

My host brother Paul had his Debs (like Prom) this week

That's all the kids in my host family plus Paul's date.  :)

From left to right, there's Stephen, Joseph, Paul, Niamh, Ellen, and Leanne (in front)

The Debs is a pretty big deal here.  The kids don't have a Homecoming Dance or Spring Fling dance every year like most Americans in high school do.  They just have the Debs at the end of their last year of secondary school.  Some of the family came over to take pictures of/with Paul, and he also had several group pictures taken at a couple other houses.  It was pretty fun to see all the girls in their pretty dresses!

The rest of the week went by pretty quickly.  Chrissy and I worked hard at Spirit Radio on Wednesday and Thursday...and I had a pretty cool project to work on.  I got to read through a bunch of listener feedback for the radio station and put it into a booklet to be read on-air throughout the day.  It was such a blessing to read all the positive things that people said.  Here are a few of my favorites:

“I love Spirit Radio. I have been through some rough times lately - and found Spirit Radio so uplifting." 

"We are really enjoying the station. The car doesn't work if Spirit Radio is not on!" 

"I was in UHG (Galway) one morning for an M.R.I. The machine can be very noisy and distressing so they put a pair of headphones on me...with Spirit Radio piped through!  I was amazed! Apparently with all the special linings they have around that room, you're the only radio station that can get through!  Go Spirit Radio!”     

I loved reading that last one...it's pretty cool that God has such interesting ways of reaching out to people...like blocking out all the other radio stations except Spirit Radio!  :)  Anyway, I really enjoyed working on this project.  It was encouraging to read about how Spirit Radio has touched not one, not two, but several people's lives throughout Ireland - and throughout the world!  There was some positive feedback from listeners in the United States (via the "Listen Online" feature) too!  I am greatly blessed with the opportunity to help out at Spirit Radio and be a part of touching people's lives.  I think this may be the largest form of evangelizing (as in - reaching out to the most people) that I've ever done.

Last night we had a NYPD (Nazareth Youth Programme Dublin) meeting.  I'm in charge (with two other leaders) of the Senior Group, which is a group of 12-15 year olds.  So far so good---the kids are great and God has really been blessing our meetings.  Last night we mostly just got ideas from the kids about what they'd like to do during the year and what topics they'd like to cover in discussion, so it was a pretty productive night.  We have a bit of a break for a while, until the end of November, but after the break I'll be giving a talk about "Speech that Builds Up".  Keep me in your prayers as I prepare for that.  :)

Today Chrissy and I went shopping in a town called Dun Laoghaire (pronounced "Dun Leary"), and we found some treasures!  We went to a Christian bookstore called Footprints.  I was looking around at all the books and noticed that they were a bit overpriced (after I converted the price from Euros to Dollars).  At just that moment, Chrissy said "Hey, there's more books downstairs."  I turned around and noticed a sign that said "Special Offer Books Downstairs".  I love a good sale, so down I went into the basement of Footprints.  It was wonderful!  There were shelves and shelves of books...and most of them were second-hand, so they were much lower in price than the ones upstairs.  Chrissy came down after a while to look with me, and we ended up spending a good half hour or so looking at books.  I found one really old book (published in 1915) called The Christian's Handy Book of Prayer...it seems like it'll be really good---it's about having solid prayer times and entering more fully into God's presence.  I got another book called This World:  Playground or Battleground? by A.W. Tozer.  He wrote a really amazing book that I've read before (and am reading again) called The Pursuit of God, and I love his writing style.  I was very blessed and encouraged by The Pursuit of God, and I know this new book is going to be just as rewarding!  In addition to those two books, I found an old C.S. Lewis book (Christian Behaviour), plus a really cool 30-day challenge devotional called Thirsty.  I can't wait to get started on reading one of my new books!

Preparations are moving along for the YES retreat that is coming up next weekend.  The retreat is for 14-16 year olds and the theme is committing one's life to Christ.  I've been involved with quite a bit of behind-the-scenes planning, but I'm also going to be on the music team, leading a small group, and giving a short testimony.  I'm excited to see how the Lord will work in the youth that weekend!  Keep me and the kids in your prayers please.  :)

In other news, I'll be co-leading worship at the community prayer meeting tomorrow for the first time!  I will be singing and playing guitar and Chrissy will be singing with me.  I think there'll be one more guitarist as well. Please keep us in your prayers!  We will be very dependent on the power of the Holy Spirit to really lead us into a powerful time of prayer and praise.

Thank you all for reading my blog and keeping me in your prayers during my GAP year.  It means more to me than you know!  Thank you also to everyone who has supported me financially.  I would not be here in Ireland -- serving the youth, the Christian radio station, and the community -- without your financial support.  So thank you, thank you, thank you.  :)

Good Stuff

Here's some new pictures from the past few days.  :)  

This past weekend was quite nice.  On Sunday afternoon Chrissy and I and some of our host family (Leanne, Stephen, Joe, Peter, & Ciara) went to a Family Fun Day.  It was kind of like a festival...there were some games and food and face painting.  I didn't get my face painted, but Chrissy and Leanne did!  They looked pretty cool.  :)

After that adventure, we walked to Teddy's to get some icecream.  We got vanilla softserve in a chocolate-dipped (plus sprinkles!) cone, and it was delicious!

That's Joe, Stephen, Chrissy, Leanne, and me with our icecream.  If only the boys were smiling, it'd be a great picture!

Yesterday Chrissy and I walked to Tesco (the local supermarket...kind of like Meijer in the States) to get stuff for dinner.  We cook together once a week for our host family, and last night we planned on making spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, and green beans.  Most of the family had never had meatballs before!  The dinner was a success and everyone loved it (except for the youngest two who are really picky eaters).  I just couldn't believe they hadn't had meatballs before...

Here are a couple of pictures from our adventure to Tesco.  I think they kind of show the differences in our personalities...haha :)

...while I stop to smell the flowers, Chrissy climbs over gates.  :)

Today I met up with my friend Stephanie from UCO Ann Arbor.  She did her GAP year two years ago in Belfast, and she was here visiting for a little while.  We met in the city centre for lunch and it was really great to see a familiar face.  :)  After that my host father (and GAP director) Peter and I went up north to Rostrevor to check out a venue for a retreat we have coming up.  I'll explain more about the retreat later, but the venue is great and is going to work out really well!  :)

Chrissy and I had share group tonight but a bunch of the girls couldn't make it, so it was just us plus Pam, our leader.  We had a really great conversation and some really great chocolate cookies that my host mother Ciara makes.  Yummm!

That's all for now.  I'm in for a busy couple of days at Spirit Radio tomorrow and Thursday, and then I have youth programme preparations for Friday, so please pray that the rest of this week goes well.  God bless you all.  Please let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you about.

**P.S.  Happy Birthday to Hannah Gill (on Sunday Oct. 9) and Happy Birthday to Ashley Hart (today Oct. 11!).  I love you both and miss you tons!**

A Beautiful Picture

This week has gone quite well---and also quite "not-as-planned".  Monday went as planned, but late Monday night Chrissy and I were unexpectedly asked to help with some school retreats at a secondary school the rest of this week.  We agreed to help because, well, I think that's just what GAPpers do.  :)  The following morning we got up early and headed off to a school in Bray, Ireland called Loreto Secondary School.  It's an all-girls private school and the girls are all around 12-17 years of age (I think).  At different times in the year, a retreat team comes to the school and holds all-day retreats (one day per age group) for the girls.  The retreat team this week was made up of a man named Pat, his younger sister Oonagh, Chrissy, and me.  Pat and Oonagh both have really great Scottish accents (especially Oonagh---hers is extra thick!), so listening to them was a lot of fun.  :)  Pat had a whole load of great talks lined up for the day.  It seemed as though the main theme for the retreat was self-image and being loved by God.  The girls heard Pat's testimony about how he grew up with the constant need to fit in and be accepted by his peers.  He went through a bit of a rebel phase where he went to various extremes in an attempt to fit in.  By God's grace, he eventually came to know Christ and found great peace in his relationship with Him.  Oonagh's story was a bit different and especially touching for the girls, I think.  She talked about how she lived a life so differently from the other girls who were dating different guys all the time and getting into trouble.  She set high standards for herself and hardly dated anyone.  She eventually felt that there was something wrong with her because she wasn't receiving positive attention from her peers or from guys.  She went through some extreme hardships as a result, including suffering from a couple of eating disorders.  She met Jesus, though, and realized that He accepted her for exactly who she was and she didn't need to harm herself to find acceptance in Him.  I got to hear her story three times this week (once at each retreat), and each time I saw more and more that Oonagh is a beautiful woman of God.  Aside from hearing Pat and Oonagh's testimonies, there were some fun team-building games at the retreats, some great talks about the media and how it negatively affects girls' self-esteem, some talks about "sex, love, and relationships", and also time for confession.  A couple of priests came in each day to hear confessions, and overall the girls seemed to be really strongly convicted to confess their sins...especially the groups that came yesterday and today.  After the retreat when all the girls had gone out of the room, Fr. John (one of the priests that had been hearing confessions) came up to us and said, "Wow.  Were those girls the same age as the girls we had yesterday?"  We told him that they were, but they were just a different group.  He seemed surprised, and he asked, "How come it was so much more anointed today?"  I immediately blurted out, "The Holy Spirit was here!"  I also added that we had prayed as a team in the staff room just after lunch, right before we came in to start that session.  We had prayed that the Lord would really speak to this group of girls and convict them of their sins.  We prayed that we would plant some seeds in their hearts and that they would take something away from the retreat today.  God sure does answer prayer quickly when it's His will!  Not only did a lot of girls get up and go to confession today, several of them were crying during the retreat.  Oonagh said something about this--she said, "I don't mean this in a bad way, but I love when I see people crying during a retreat like this.  It shows that something's happening inside them."  I totally agree with her.  God often speaks to us so strongly and moves in our hearts in such a way that sometimes triggers tears.  It's beautiful.

So instead of tidying up right away, I suggested that we have a bit of praise and worship as a team.  We did it yesterday out of the blue and it was wonderful---Pat started playing something on his guitar and we all just sang along and started a time of praise---right there in that big, empty, echo-y room in the school.  We did the same thing today except it was a bit more planned.  Pat, Oonagh, Fr. John, Chrissy, and I all just sang praise to our God so nice and loudly.  I really felt the Holy Spirit with us.  It was amazing the joy that I was feeling while we were all singing.  I closed my eyes and just pictured all the angels and saints dancing and singing along with us in heaven...it was a beautiful picture.

On the way home from the retreat, while we were talking about how blessed the day had been and how it seemed as though we made some breakthroughs with some of the girls, Pat said something kind of interesting.  He said, "Girls, you better pray a bit extra this week...like, more than you usually do.  I think we're going to experience a little bit of backlash."  Unfortunately I knew exactly what he meant.  I have quite a bit of experience with spiritual warfare.  Whenever something really great happens---any time I receive an amazing word from the Lord or come back from some kind of retreat or other Christian event...or enter into a really solid time of worship---the devil hates it.  He knows how happy I am and how full of the Holy Spirit I am, and that makes him so angry.  The devil then does everything he can to bring me down.  He uses every lie he can think of to convince me that what I was feeling wasn't real.  I often let him bring me down.  Not on purpose---it just happens sometimes.  I think the devil's voice is often easier to hear and a bit more prevalent than God's voice.  That's not true in every circumstance, but I've just noticed over time that that is especially true after an intense encounter with God.  So, knowing what I know about what happened today at the retreat and about spiritual warfare, I pray that God would send St. Michael the archangel to protect us this week.  So I say---

"St. Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle.  Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do Thou O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.  Amen."

Please keep me in your prayers that I will stay strong this week and fight any kind of lies that Satan may be trying to tell me.  Pray that I will remember God's word and use it like a sword and shield to fight off the fiery darts of the enemy.

To end on a happy note, here is a picture I took of a sign on the way home from the retreat today.  I found it hilarious...I hope you at least get a giggle out of it.  :)  As Chrissy cleverly stated, "If you eat this Chinese take away you will soon be fatt!"  Hahaha

Finally Rainy in Ireland

It's hard to believe that I've been here for almost a month already!  The weather has finally started acting typical here in Ireland.  We were spoiled for quite a while with sunshine and hardly any rain, but these last couple of days have been a bit more chilly and rainy.  Can't complain though, because I did come to Ireland for a year.  I'll just have to get used to it.  :)

Last week went by incredibly fast, and Chrissy and I were pretty busy working at Spirit Radio and also planning the first NYPD (Nazareth Youth Programme Dublin) meeting, which was held on Friday night.  The night went very well and all the kids had a good time.  We started off with a time of worship, then played some games with the kids for a while.  We also welcomed the new kids with new Bibles, so that was pretty exciting.  It was great to meet all the kids, even though I don't remember half of their names.  I'm praying that the rest of the year will be a great success and I can't wait to take part in planning it.

Last night Chrissy and I went to dinner at a Community of Nazareth couple's house to celebrate the Lord's Day (a meal on Saturday evening celebrating the Sabbath day).  We had a really delicious chicken curry for dinner and a homemade apple-blackberry crumble for dessert.  Mmmm!  During dinner we all went around and told everyone about ourselves.  It was a nice way to get to know everyone and to keep conversation going throughout the evening.  The couple that had us over was really sweet, and it was nice to get to know the other family a little bit as well.

Today was a pretty relaxed Sunday.  I am coming to really appreciate Sundays here in Ireland.  Back home I went to mass on Sunday mornings and then went to work almost immediately after I got home.  I usually worked 1:30-8 on Sundays.  So much for a "day of rest".  I never had the courage to ask for a Sunday off of work because of the time-and-a-half pay.  I just couldn't give that up.  Here, though, I don't have to go to work after mass.  I can just come home and have lunch and enjoy the rest of the day with family (well, my host family).  This afternoon we had a community prayer meeting, during which I made my year-long commitment to both the community and to the GAP Programme (yeah, here "program" spelled kind of strangely...along with colour and favourite and flavour).  Anyway, I'll be a part of the community for the year, which basically means I'll be one of about 200 people that are living for Christ together through community prayer meetings, small mens/womens share groups, youth groups, and other events.  Committing to the GAP Programme means agreeing to the 3 pillars of the GAP year.  The first pillar is God...to know Him and deepen my relationship with Him this year through prayer and studying His word.  The second pillar is Community...to be deeply involved in the community where I live (The Community of Nazareth), and to grow in my faith alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ.  The third pillar is Service...to serve wherever I am needed, to contribute towards the financial needs of the GAP programme, and to set apart any involvement in a romantic relationship during the course of the year, so that I may be totally focused on service.  I made this commitment today during the community prayer meeting, so now I am officially a part of the community and I am officially a GAPper.  :)  It's about time!

My host parents left town for the evening to celebrate their 19th wedding anniversary, so Chrissy and I were alone in the house for a few hours.  The kids had gone to their grandparents' house for the afternoon, so we joked about having a huge party there.  Of course we didn't.  We did walk down to the Chinese place and get take out though.  :)  Then we just vegged for the remainder of the evening.  The kids came home at around 6:00ish and we all watched tv together for a couple of hours.  I love chill evenings like that.

That's about all I have to update on, but here is a photo that makes me smile.  One of my "co-workers" at Spirit Radio left it on my desk while I was in chatting with my "boss".  (I'm using quotes because I'm doing volunteer work, so it feels weird to say co-workers and boss...).  God bless you all!