My Heart

I went through a little bit of a dry time in my spiritual life these past couple of weeks.  It was a strange feeling...because I was getting support for Ireland, and I knew that was only by the grace of God...but I just wasn't praying as much and reading the Word.  I felt really apathetic toward the whole "having a good prayer life" thing.  This brought me down and I wasn't experiencing much peace.  I honestly had to force myself to start talking to God again.  I went to dinner with a couple of friends from UCO this week and it was really great to be around them.  We went to UCO after dinner and I felt a whole mix of feelings.  I felt nervous because there were a lot of people I didn't know at the meeting and, well, that's just how I get in big groups of people.  This kind of distracted me from having a good time at the beginning, but I think I got over it.  I introduced myself to a couple new people and it wasn't so bad.  :)  I was also uplifted because I hadn't praised God like that in a long time.  I was encouraged after the meeting not only because I enjoyed the talk, but because of something the Lord spoke to me that night.  There was a moment in the prayer meeting where the MC asked us to listen to the Lord and see if He might have a word for us.  This was kind of hard for me to do, as I hadn't taken much time to listen to the Lord lately, but this is what He told me:  "No matter how far you feel you may have fallen, I am right here.  Just come back to Me."  Wow.  That was exactly what I needed to hear.  How comforting...how reassuring...how true!  A few of the UCO staff came up to be after the meeting and said they'd like to meet with me soon to chat.  Just what I needed!  I thank the Lord for each and every person that wanted to meet with me.  What perfect timing!


While I was driving home from Ann Arbor after UCO on Tuesday, I felt the Lord calling me to stop at the adoration chapel at Christ the King.  I felt like He wanted more of me.  I obeyed His calling and got off the expressway at Plymouth Road.  As soon as I walked into that chapel I felt relieved.  There were a few other people in there, but I honestly felt as though it were just me and God.  When I sat down to pray, I felt led to read a "Sequence for Pentecost" in which I found complete peace.  This prayer was in a little journal(?) called The Word Among Us.  I'd like to share it with you:


"Come, Holy Spirit, Come!
And from Your celestial home
Shed a ray of light divine!
Come, Father of the poor!
Come, source of all our store!
Come, within our bosoms shine.
You, of comforters the best;
You, the soul's most welcome guest;
Sweet refreshment here below;
In our labor, rest most sweet;
Grateful coolness in the heat;
Solace in the midst of woe.
O most blessed Light divine,
Shine within these hearts of yours,
And our inmost being fill!
Where you are not, we have naught,
Nothing good in deed or thought,
Nothing free from taint of ill.
Heal our wounds, our strength renew;
On our dryness pour your dew;
Wash the stains of guilt away:
Bend the stubborn heart and will;
Melt the frozen, warm the chill;
Guide the steps that go astray.
On the faithful, who adore
And confess you, evermore
In your sevenfold gift descend;
Give them virtue's sure reward;
Give them your salvation, Lord;
Give them joys that never end.  Amen.  Alleluia."


I had to read it very slowly to really let it sink in, but I just felt so comforted after I read that.  It's so beautiful! Let me know what you guys think.


I want to share one more thing before I close...another thing that brought me back up in my spiritual life.  I went to Solid Rock Bible Church (where my good friend Hannah goes to church) last night for the college group meeting.  I always feel encouraged after the talks there, but this one was especially interesting.  We did an exercise where we all lined up across from one another in a big line across the room.  We started with our eyes closed, but when we opened them we had to stare directly into the eyes of the person across from us.  For an uncomfortably long period of time.  While we were looking into eachothers eyes, the pastor was saying things like, "Who is this person?  What made you want to get to know them well?  Or what made you not want to get to know them?  Do you believe that God loves this person as much as He loves you?  How do you think God wants you to reach out to this person?"  It was so hard to just look into all of those people's eyes and think such things.  I didn't know most of the people there, but I felt that by just looking into their eyes I got a small glimpse of their heart.  It's hard to explain, but I am glad I got to experience something like that.  After the meeting last night we all went out to Applebees (as it is tradition), and the guy that leads worship for the college group asked me if I'd like to play guitar sometime with them!  It was such an answer to prayer that he asked me that, because during the meeting I thought, "Hmm...it'd be fun to get up there and play with them sometime."  Of course I was too shy to ask, but I didn't have to worry about that!  God had other plans.  And now I'm playing and singing next Wednesday night for the meeting.  :)


That's all for now.  I wanted to share a little bit of my heart with you, and I also wanted to include this stuff here as a record for myself that this fundraising journey hasn't just been rainbows and sunshine.  It's been hard.  I want to thank you all again for your support and prayers.  It means the world to me, and without you I wouldn't be at 60% of my goal.